A Day In The Life Of J'oh!

Just listening to Thom Hartmann this morning and he read this.
It's been around on the internets for a while but it's worth another look:

"A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN"

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

Gone Zo

Alberto Gonzolez resigns but can't recall why.

Scientists Locate Cheney's Soul

"This is 1,000 times the volume of what we sort of expected to see in terms of a typical void..."

The Style Counsel

Michelle Malkin shown here reaching out to the Muslim community.

She's, like, totally a Very Serious Journalist, n'kay?

Infant Morality

W. He acts like a child. So, why doesn't he care about them?

If Mr 23% really thought this thing through, he'd realize that, by providing proper health care coverage for children, they can grow up strong and many of them, needing a way to pay for college, will have to enlist and fight his never ending war.

There. Recruitment problem solved.

You're welcome.

High Noonan

Damn those "Blame America" hippies!

On The Upside: More Toga Parties!

Weren't we told it was the terrorists who hated our freedom and democracy? I'm right on that aren't I? Then maybe you can imagine my reaction to this.
According to some of W's biggest fans, the charming folks known as Family Security Matters, it is time for a dictator. If everyone would just roll over on the whole annoying "democratically elected" thingy, The Vacationer In Chief could clear the path to the Garden of Eden - quite literally:

"If President Bush copied Julius Caesar by ordering his army to empty Iraq of Arabs and repopulate the country with Americans, he would achieve immediate results: popularity with his military; enrichment of America by converting an Arabian Iraq into an American Iraq (therefore turning it from a liability to an asset); and boost American prestiege(sic) while terrifying American enemies."

Then there's this:

"President Bush can fail in his duty to himself, his country, and his God, by becoming “ex-president” Bush or he can become “President-for-Life” Bush: the conqueror of Iraq, who brings sense to the Congress and sanity to the Supreme Court. Then who would be able to stop Bush from emulating Augustus Caesar and becoming ruler of the world?"

Surprisingly, the author, Philip Atkinson, did not end his article with "Bwa-ha-ha-haaa!"


Sounds a little:

Don't you think?

Surely these Legion-Of-Doom-like plans for global domination are so absurd that they must come from some lunatic fringe group.

Um, not exactly.

clAss Act Part 2

Scenes From A Petty Presidency:

“For all the years he was president,” Dick Armey told me, “Bill Clinton and I had a little thing we’d do where every time I went to the White House, I would take the little name tag they give you and pass it to the president, who, without saying a word, would sign and date it. Bill Clinton and I didn’t like each other. He said I was his least-favorite member of Congress. But he knew that when I left his office, the first schoolkid I came across would be given that card, and some kid who had come to Washington with his mama would go home with the president’s autograph. I think Clinton thought it was a nice thing to do for some kid, and he was happy to do it.”

Armey said that when he went to his first meeting in the White House with President Bush, he explained the tradition with Clinton and asked the president if he would care to continue it. “Bush refused to sign the card. Rove, who was sitting across the table, said, ‘It would probably wind up on eBay,’” Armey continued. “Do I give a damn? No. But can you imagine refusing a simple request like that with an insult? It’s stupid. From the point of view of your own self-interest, it’s stupid. I was from Texas, and I was the majority leader. If my expectations of civility and collegiality were disappointed, what do you think it was like for the rest of the congressmen they dealt with? The Bush White House was tone-deaf to the normal courtesies of the office.”

This was the president who was going to bring a new civility to Washington. Did I miss the signing statement where he exempted himself from that?

Gee, What A Surprise.

I guess FOX thought they were entitled to their own facts.

And there's more.

Turd Blossom

Filling in for Eric Alterman, Eric Rauchway remembers Karl Rove:

Karl Rove deserves to be remembered as the man who thought Americans should have enough education to understand his fables but not enough to doubt them. Here's Rove, according to Nicholas Lemann in 2001 (The New Yorker doesn't seem to have it online):

"Our education plan allows us to make further gains in the suburbs. It will also allow us to make gains with Hispanics and African-Americans. ... As people do better, they start voting like Republicans -- unless they have too much education and vote Democratic, which proves there can be too much of a good thing."

There's no more suitable summary for his career as adviser to President Bush; he is a man who thinks that if you knew a little more about what was going on, you'd vote against his candidate. So he doesn't want you to know.

You Always Hurt The One You Love UPDATED

The Bykofsky Philosophy as applied to...

Pet care:

Bykofsky: You know, John, my wife and I dearly love our rottweiler, Leonidas.

Gibson: Can we put up a photo? Ahh she's a fine beast, Stu.

Bykofsky: "He", John. Anyway, we love him but lately the wife and I are at odds over how to care for him.

Gibson: How so, Stu?

Bykofsky: Well, Mrs. B wants to switch him over to a kibble of sorts while I believe a raw meat diet is best for him. For a while we were united on the issue of his diet but things have changed and we just can't seem to resolve this. So now Leonidas has started to get all confused. Sleeps on the couch. Doesn't always come when we call him. We're at an impasse and I believe, because of it, Leonidas is doomed.

Gibson: Sounds hopeless. What's the solution?

Bykofsky: The only way I see things changing for the better is to, well, to cut his hind legs off. Now, I'm not advocating cutting his hind legs off, you understand...

Gibson: Of course.

Bykofsky: ...but as I see it, cutting his hind legs off is the only way Leonidas is going to survive.

Gibson: Have you thought of just cutting his nose off - you know - to spite his face?

Bykofsky: Sure, sure. That's another consideration.

Gibson: I think it’s going to take a lot of severed doggy parts to wake ol' Leonidas up.

Bykofsky: Sad but true, John.

Update:

Colbert on Bykofsky

Media Matters

Meet duh press:

"Reporting by anecdote is how we got a president who doesn't windsurf, doesn't order the "wrong" kind of cheesesteak, doesn't wear earth tones, doesn't sigh, and doesn't exaggerate* -- but who does lie to the nation on the way to war, spy on Americans, torture people, threaten to veto health care for children, allow arsenic in our drinking water, politicize the Justice Department, take an à la carte approach to the Constitution ("I'll have the Second Amendment and a little bit of the 10th, but hold the First, Fourth through Sixth, and the Eighth, please") and generally behave like a despot.

So, you know, there's a downside."

But can I have a beer with him? That's the real question.

What Atrios Said

"These people are morons."

But some warbloggers think these people are geniuses at understanding how the middle east works.

Kindred spirits.

Your Mother Should Know

Iraq War Timeline courtesy of Mother Jones.

clAss Act

What kind of a guy let's loose with profanity in front of a four year old? Let's take a look:

"As one might expect, much of Bush's work for his father's presidential campaigns was done behind the scenes. Yet it's clear he was steeped in political minutiae and imposed few limits on what he was willing to do to get the job done. In 1986, veteran reporter Al Hunt predicted that Jack Kemp would receive the 1988 Republican presidential nomination instead of George H.W. Bush. When George W. saw Hunt dining with his wife and 4-year-old son at a Mexican restaurant in Dallas, he went up to their table and said, "You fucking son of bitch. I won't forget what you said and you're going to pay a fucking price for it." Bush didn't apologize until 13 years later, when the incident resurfaced in the context of his own presidential campaign."

The twins must have had a sweet childhood.

The Most Rusted Name In News

Turns out Lou Dobbs is a jerk. Who knew?

Perspective

Tbogg gives perspective to the whole Scott-Beauchamp-very-important-controversy while shedding some light on the extreme pettiness of the very serious warbloggers.

But let's face it - the jubilation appearing in wingnutisphere posts has nothing to do with relief that the troops they claim to love are not guilty of these acts. They should know that in a military forced into their current enlistment standards by a desperate administration, horrible acts in a crazy war are not unlikely. None of that matters to these keyboard commandos who salivate at the thought of torture. Instead they're giddy at the thought of "lefty" magazine TNR getting a story wrong.
It's all about the "idiot leftards" for them.

Is it any surprise that these people love such an infantile president?

And as a bonus - if you want to understand the quality of the people who lead this silly torch march to the castle TNR - Tbogg also points to this very thorough examination of the warblogger's favorite cheerleader, the credibility-challenged Michelle Malkin.

Gnawledge Is Gud

Dover Bitch, filling in for Digby, reminds us how awsum sirius the GOP is when it comes to foreign policy.